4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
