tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
