the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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