dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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