and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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