i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
COCAINE IS GR8
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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