I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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