I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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