i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
is wine microwaveable?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
