3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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