That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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