dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
