My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Do vagina's smell?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
