Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
