Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
