Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
