So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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