Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
im holly from the hills drunk
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
