If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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