i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
