my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
