Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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