when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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