i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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