That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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