i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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