There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
