sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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