you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize