i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
