he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
