This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you š
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
āOn a breakā is implied when itās a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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