According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
