i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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