I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
