just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
