The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
