haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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