with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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