youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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