I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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