I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
