Will you blow on my dice?
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
