You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize