I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
