I got chris browned last night
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
