I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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