What a fucking waste of an outfit
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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