The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
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I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
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If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Randomize