I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
