It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
