I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
