I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
