dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
