Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
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am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
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Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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