My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
