you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
