Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
