You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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