Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
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Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
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I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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