I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
