if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
