yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
