Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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