Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I have aggressive nipples.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize