Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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